Thursday, April 24, 2014
 

 

             

 

 

Share Your AFTER Abortion Recovery Thoughts...

Welcome to our message board for those who have EXPERIENCED an ABORTION RECOVERY PROGRAM!

If you, or someone you know has benefited from the abortion recovery process, we'd love to know the positive impact on your/their life and relationships.  This will help others to see how participating in an abortion recovery program can make their lives better, and the lives around them!

If the space below isn't long enough for your comments, we'd love to hear from you.  Send us your story and we may post it on our Stories of Recovery page. 

 

NOTE: City and website fields are optional. Email is requested only to protect the integrity of those entering information.  Your private information will not be disclosed.

  

Share Your After Abortion Recovery Thoughts...
Name: LilianDate: 9/16/2013
My name is Lilian. I have read this inspiring stories and I can very well relate to them.i just had my fourth abortion last Friday and right now am just depressed. The worst thing is I have no one to talk to since such things many people are silent. The baby father who we have been in an on n off relationship didn't want the baby I really did want this baby so bad but also I want my baby to experience the joy of having both parents like I do. What can I say about them ? The first one was a relief at 21in college I cried my heart out, the 2nd one I was miserable the baby father both of us students wanted us to keep it but how could we both students and in a foreign country my parents would have hit the roof. The third after sch new boyfriend rich family but he didn't want the baby so had to remove it. The pain I felt was n still is fresh on my mind because the anaesthetic drug ended before the dr was do e with the procedure I was ten weeks. Fast forward last week,my baby I really wanted to have him so bad I went with a friend the other ones I used to go alone. The baby father refused to accompany me and even offer financial help i feel traumatized am far way from home I thought this time regardless of our differences at least the baby will bring us closer but I was wrong. Am hurt and I can't talk to say my sisters because all of them never liked that guy.am just surfing the net and reading articles like this because there are no self help centre that I know of.
Till now am just crying and imagining how my cute little boy would have been especially when I look at my nephews who are barely a year old. Abortion is not good it has a lot of traumatic experiences.i have just checked the post abortion signs and now I can relate a lot of things in my life which I never used to have like poor self esteem , detachment relationship problems and abortions again plus depression.
I would appreciate if its not a lot to ask if I could be sent materials to read which can help me through this time because am all alone and I live alone and have no one to confide in.
I pray that I will be forgiven and that I will be able to meet my babies someday I do really miss them.
Thank you for giving us women a place like this that we can be able to channel and say how we feel. Be blessed.

Me,
Lilian.

State: Ubungo
Country: Tanzania

Name: GabbyDate: 9/14/2013
I was 18 yo when I got pregnant by a man who didn't love me.

I decided to terminate the pregnancy. Here is why:

There are so many facts and responsibilities to think about when putting a life into this world.
This was my thought process and I hope I can help someone and rationalize their decision to live on with having an abortion.

1) I felt it was my responsibility that I got pregnant, and that I should be able to take care of the baby and not my parents

2) A child has the right to have two loving parents who love each other, raising you with love, joy and laughter.
- I could not provide that

3) A child has the right to have a home, growing up with siblings and have food on the table and clothes to wear.
- I could not provide that

4) A child has the right to have a parent at home who can spent time with them instead of being with a baby sitter because the parent(s) are in school or working 2 jobs to be able to pay the bills.
- I could not provide that

5) A child has the right to grow up in an environment where there is no financial stress/arguing between 2 parents because of financial/marital problems.

Conclusion:
I was not ready to be a responsible (single) parent

Selfish or unselfish?
I think it is a selfish decision to put a child in this world because you don't want to terminate a 'life'/fetus
I feel my decision to abort the fetus was unselfish because I could not provide for it's rights.

You don't have to agree with the above, that's fine, just make a decision you can live with

I do think about the fetus I aborted but I know we will be reunited again.

I am 46 yo and have a beautiful 18 yo daughter who is facing the same decision now.

Good luck to you all, may The Lord bless you and your decision(s)
State: Limburg
Country: Belgium

Name: hazel ndhlovuDate: 7/7/2013
I was 14 years old. i had an arbotion in august, i didnt have a asay in the matter when my mum found out, we where on holiday and she booked an appointment with the doctor , next thing i knew, we where back to the hotel, and told to take these 8 tablets.. she watched me as i took them. I Didnt have a say weather i wanted the child or not coming from a black background. I Was sick, diraherra, vomiting for the entire night. I was bleeding heavily and then on the toilet sea. Blob. i saw it go, and flushed it away. It was never spoke off as my family do not talk about sex, or anything of that matter. I Cried to myself every single day since, as i had no one to confide, in i felt as if my parents thought i should get on with life, and they acted no different, nor spoke to me EVER Directly about it. I blame myself, whenever i see a documentary or about teen mums, or people who made it through and faught against their parents it makes me cry. and what makes it worst was that i had another abortion just 2 months after. I was still seeing that same boyfriend. I Got raped and on the night of this incident polive took swabs and before giving me the morning after pill, done a pregnancy test. I Was pregnant again. i had issues with social services and my parents at this time, and obviously they where involved. This time i took it iunot my own hands I Ddint think about myself i thought about my parents and what they did before and what they would want again. An abortion, I had it done at my mums work the local hospital, and they couldnt know i was her daughter as she felt ashamed of me being pregnanct and the abortion. I am know 16 years old. And never stop thinking about the 2 children that i killed, that could have cured cancer, done something to change the world, or just been ordinary people. I will never forgive myself. my parents are from a black background and they dont know what i go through every single day. im home alone during the week. im driving myself mad, I feel sorry for myself, cry for no reason. Lash out at friends, imagine things that are not there. Have little scenarios in my head which i wish to happen. Talk to myself, and i cry. i get frustrated. scared afriad. And i cry. My head is so messed up and i blame myself. Maybe if i was better, why did i put my parents through that? why did i kill two innocent children. theres not a day i dont think about my children who could have been. and its getting worst recently i cry at least once a week, think about dying, and feel sorry for myself that im home alone, that no one loves me, that my parents arent here for me, that other children have parents there when they go to school, wash their clothes etc, but me? i go home to an empty house. and its driving me insane. Im starting to think i need help. or is this my imagination? please someone reply. i have no one to talk to. please.
State: Slough
Country: United Kingdom

Name: HopeDate: 6/13/2013
Life has never been the same after I had an abortion I wish I saw all your comments before the 12th of January 2012. When I found out that I was pregnant abortion never crossed my mind even though I knew my family would be disappointed on me but I knew they would come around and forgive me I told him that I was pregnant his first response we cannot afford to have a baby we are both students I told him we wont be the first students to raise a child but he convinced he reminded me of my situation at home I told him its fine I will raise my baby on my own my family will help then again fear came I became a coward I decided to do it I thought of loosing the degree which I was close on finishing but was my degree worth more than my babe? Its been a year and 4 months since I had done it. I am so lost in my own world everyday I think of my babe boy how he would have looked like now things he would have been able to say and do. I pray to God to forgive me for not allowing his plans to take place for rejecting his precious gift. I can't wait for the day where I will be reunited with my baby in heaven where I will get a chance to ask for his forgiveness for taking away the gift of life his was given by God. At night I write letters to him explaining how lonely is life without him the three months I spent with him was the best time ever in my life. I got my degree now I am so unhappy and lonely with it, it can never replace my babe, what kind of mother would choose a degree over her babe. I am so embarrassed and ashamed of myself. I pray to God to give me strength to forgive myself and move on with life. Abortion is the worst thing ever in my life I am living a regretful life now.
State: South Africa
Country: South Africa

Name: Amy hallDate: 5/24/2013
I was 15 years old when my baby was kiddnapped and forced to kill my baby. I had been going to a church and was involved with an older guy. We had sex alot and then i found out that he really didnt love me and was using me for what he could get. so i turned to my next door neighbor and he comforted me and it led to having sex i had been going through so much the last few years. And just found out my brother and his wife were going to have a baby. I felt so depressed and alone. But the greatest thing of all happened I got pregnant also. I was so happy. I talked to my baby. I felt him kick. I think sometimes he would kick me so hard that i imagined him playing football or soccer one day. I also know I had to tell someone and I didnt know how to tell my parents or family. So i went to the guy at the church and he said he stick beside me. And help me raise the baby even with the possibility that it could still be my next door neighbors baby. So we made plans for him to come over one night after he got off work and he was gonna help me tell my mom and dad. That day came and i waited and waited and waited. He never showed up. the next day i saw in the paper where he had died in a wreck the night before. I went to the funeral and was so depressed but in still had to tell my next door neighbor and i thought well he will help me. He called me all kinds of names and hit me and told me i was having an abortion. I said no and ran home. That night i talked and cried with my baby. I promised I would protect him. But the next day the doorbell rang and it was my neighbor and his father. Before i could shut the door they busted in and grabbed me and threw me in the back of their truck. I told them to let me out and they wouldnt. They told me to shut up. We then went to a clinic and they took me in. I then went back crying to a room where there were other pregnant girl. They were all so scared but so sure a abortion was what they wanted. Then the nurse came and got me and my neighbor went back with me to make sure it got done. They put me in a room that was set up like the room that you would be in if you were being put death and they told me to lay down i was screaming they induced labor and put me on the table. they strapped me down on the table and told me to open my legs. I was screaming no. And the doctor yelled and said do it. And my neighbor yellled to. So i was so upset i opened my legs and pushed then finally they told me to me to stop pushing. my baby came out and they killed by injecting him and giving brain damage. I couldnt do a thing to stop them. They then wrapped him up and gave my son to me to say goodbye. I was so sad because my little boy was dying and i couldnt stop his pain. He took his hand with the little strength he had left and wrapped it around my finger. Then he died in my arms. I screamed no no and they took him away. I yelled and screamed and begged someone to help me and my son. Everyone just looked away. I couldnt consoled at that point they gave me a shot to calm me down. After that they took me home. I was so sad. Shortly I went back to school and wasnt the same person. I didnt talk to anyone. Then it came time for my neice to be born. I didnt want to go to the hospital but my mom made me go. So my neice was born and I saw her and I lost it. I begged my dad to take me home and he did. I went straight to bed and cried myself to sleep. I had no one to talk to. I felt I was lost. My mom had made a nursery for my neice for when she came over. It was heartbreaking for me. I had nightmares that a baby was crying and i looked everywhere and couldnt find him. I attempted suicide alot. I did not want just any baby. I wanted him my baby my son.I soon went to therapy and told my mom and new boyfriend and they just said why didnt i tell say anything. I then began to have dreams that my son was lost and needed me to come to him. Well my therapist put me on medicine and we began to take baby steps on getting better so I got me a dog and named her deedee. It was like having a real baby. I would feed her, water her, clothe her, get up with her during the night played with her. She wasjust the right medicine for me. I loved her so much. But i Knew my pain wasnt over from the death of my son. So i had planned a memorial service for him with just there. I came up with songs. A eulogy, and plot. Then I named him. Jamie. Then i did alot of research and wanted to help other girls and women just like me or in other situations. Its always sad when you see someone say they had had an abortion and they had no regret because the child was unwanted. Well I want everyone is gonna know My baby was wanted by the one who loved him so much. And that was me his mother. I would died protecting him and i sometimes i hadve instead of him dying. So please dont have an abortion do your research and call a hotline or something because there is always another way. Some people tell they ve told me and wondered what their babies wouldve been when they grew up.Mine is the best thing of all. He is an angel and Jesus is his father. I am so lucky to have them both in my life. And i will continue to protect his name. Until the day i get to be with him. Except my dogs. there will be no more children for me. because he is so special I want him to be my only child. My heart goes out to everyone who is having a hard time.

love u all bless u
State: SOUTH CAROLINA
Country: United States

Name: shayDate: 3/25/2013
Nobody on here could feel even close to as bad as I feel. I had two miscariages before I gave birth via c-section to a beautiful boy. He was my mircale baby and I was so grateful that I didn't lose him. A little after his second birthday, I discovered I was pregnant again. I thought to myself I can't even afford him and my boyfriend doesn't work so, I'll get an abortion but when I went, I chickened out and burst into tears. This was killing a unborn baby and I use to look down on other girls for doing this. I finally went back and got the abortion pill. And then what happens? A little after his 3rd birthday, I discover once again, I'm pregnant. This time around, I'm not working, boyfriend isn't working but in the back of my mind, I think this could be the little girl we always wanted. Once again, I went to the abortion clinic and got the pill. Guess what happen the next year, I discover I'm pregnant once again. This time, I'm working, boyfriend's still not and I'm not even sure I want this relationship so, I decided this time to have the abortion surgery. Now, I felt guilt and relief after all three of these abortion but around those times, I was very simple minded. I didn't want to get on birth control because I was afraid it would make me infertile but I didn't want abortions to become a form of birth control and I don't want to keep murdering my unborn childern. So, I finally wise up and get on the birth control patch a month later(2012). So, after that I'm so relieve and I'm doing great even though, I feel dehydrated and nausea all the time, at least it's not from pregnancy. Well, Feburary 2013, I discover that somehow again, I am pregnant. I'm upset, angry and confused. I thought to myself why? I did everything right! maybe god wants me to be pregnant? Maybe my son shouldn't been an only child? This might be the little girl I always wanted. But just this past friday, I went right back to have a surgical abortion. This time didn't stick too well like all the other times. The guilt of aborting 4 babies, the thought of being a bad person, and just emotionally distraught. I actually watched the video of a surgical abortion on youtube and I cried and cried. It was horrific. Every ten minutes, I don't think god will ever forgive me. But if there's anything I can do to prevent someone from making the mistakes I made, one less person going to hell like me. I would like to add that if I ever got pregnant again, I would just go through with it like a real woman should from now on but it's to the point, I don't even want to have sex anymore.
State: MD
Country: United States

Name: AnnaDate: 3/21/2013
I am writing this to share my story, a story that I have only been able to tell two people. One, a best friend that I found out when through an abortion as well but didn't tell me because I was so against it. The second, a best friend that basically forced me to tell her what was going on because I started crying uncontrollably at work n the anniversary of my abortion.

I was 10 weeks pregnant at age 20, here is my story:

My family does not know what I did and I don't think I will ever tell them. but, I want everyone to know that my family has always been there for me financially, emotionally and has always provided me with love and support. I was dating my boyfriend of two years .

I was away from home because I was participating in a language program for 5 weeks. I don't know why I decided to get a pregnancy test but maybe it was because of a weight gain or because I had missed a period (but I think I had spotting which I mistook for m period?). Anyways I took two pregnancy tests where one said positive and another I couldn't really see the answer.(looking back I think I knew it was positive but way maybe in denial).my friend needed to go to the Clinique because she had to do an STD test. I was too ashamed and embarrassed to go see my doctor (because she had set me up with birth control to prevent pregnancy) so I couldn't see her. I peed in a bottle and the test came out negative, I was relieved and ignored the two pregnancy tests I had taken. weeks later I get a call from the clinic saying I was pregnant. my heart dropped. I , immediately asked for an abortion clinics phone number. I called my boyfriend and asked him to meet me outside of my dorm. we sat on a picnic table and I told him I was pregnant. we both cried. he told me that he wanted to keep the child, he told me everything would be okay (even though I was going into my third year of university and he was 27 with a crappy part-time job). In my heart and in my head I knew that I wanted to keep this baby because I knew that everything would work it self out. But, the thought that EVERYONE would be judging me and that everyone would have negative opinions towards me over whelmed any other thoughts or alternative ideas I had. and the sad part is my family and friends would have supported me , they would have loved me no matter what. but, I was scared , embarrassed, ashamed , I felt like I let everyone down (myself, my family/friends and my faith).although my boyfriend was crying and pleaded for me to not book the appointment I did. and he supported me and we booked the appointment.


I went to the appointment wearing sunglasses, not only to hide my embarrassment and shame but my disgust, dissappointment and hate within myself.but to also hide the tears and the red eyes from crying for hours. I am not perfect and my x bf is not perfect either. but I am thankful that my boyfriend stepped up and was there for me on that day, I thank him so much for standing by me even though he begged for me a different option and for that I will always appreciate. I am already living in hell, but I do find peace with my boyfriend for being there for me when I needed him most. I filled in the form and to make matters worse I knew the secretary that worked at the clinic, she was a student in my class and went to my university. I spoke with a counsellor before hand and my mind was still not 100 made up, I don't think it ever was. I still didn't know if this was the right answer at looking back this was my first gut sign that I should have just gone home that day. before the procedure I went into do an ultrasound and I found out I was 10 weeks along. i was surrised because I had no morning sickness, no cravings and only a tiny bit of weight gain that I didn't really notice until I think about it now. I had done no research, I had asked no questions, I had spoken to no one about this and this is another regret that I have and hate myself for. while I had the ultrasound in my gut my inner self told me to jump off of the bed and walk out of the clinic. this was the second time I ignored my gut feeling. I saw that she took a photo of the ultra sound and I didnt remember if I asked if I could have a copy or if I wished that I could have a copy but I remember wanting to ask . I sat in the waiting room, then I sat in a waiting room with other females. one lady broke the ice and said she had a miscarriage and that was why she was here and that made me feel even worse because this was after all "my choice." but now I realize yes, I did make this choice but it was affected by societal views, by religious views, my choice was affected by a lot of things. so yes, it was my choice however it was not a choice based solely on my opinions or I would not be writing this right now. I laugh when I am nervous. so the abortion was happening and all I remember is I started laughing because I was so nervous and then I started hysterically crying. I cried as the abortion and I cried for the time that I had a diaper on for the bleeding and I sat in the recovery room. I guess the lady beside me could feel that I was sad, unhappy with myself, regret my decision and wanted to go back in time because she felt the need to ask my age where I said 20. she then told me at 19 she had her first abortion and later swearing she would never have another she was back here again at 32. she looked me in the eyes and I think she held my hand and she told me that everything would eventually be okay. I left the room and spoke with a counsellor where inside I was SCREAMING with sadness, despair, anger, hate , frustration , sadness, disgust. I had killed my child. I had done the very thing I said I would never do if I were in this situation. I had killed my child , I had killed my baby .looking back today I realize that I died that day and my spirit and my soul died with me.my boyfriend stayed with me as long as he could before he had to go to work.

I SWORE to myself, I made myself PROMISE that because I made this decision and because I killed my child that I would be the best person I could possibly be. I VOWED that I would do well in school and excel and make something of myself so that this was "not all for nothing." I would do well to show my unborn child and to prove to myself that this was all somehow worth it.it has been almost two years since my abortion and since then I have been enrolled in school for the past two years I have dropped all of my courses. I am in the same place I was two years ago, actually I am in a worse place then I am two yeas ago. I am now realizing that the regret, the guilt, the shame , the embarasement, the depression ,the disspaointment, the sadness, the hate of myself has never gone away it has only gotten worse. I wish that I didn't listen to the teen statistics, I wish that I didn't CARE what other people would think , I wish that I had listened to myself and to my heart and to my boyfriend and I wish I had followed through with the pregnancy, but I didn't and I cant change that.

everytime I see pregnant women or little babies I have guilt and shame that come across me. everyday I wonder what my baby would have looked like and what we would have named him or her and I wonder how my baby would have been. and to make matters worse I see friends that had their children around the same time that I would of have and I see they are doing well,and their children are happy even though they are in worse off situations then I would have been in. I would have been living in my parents house , I would have had my childs father in my childs life and yet still I made the wrong decision. and I will ALWAYS live with this regret in my mind.

and now I have a broken spirit and It has negatively affected my life for two years now.i do not know what to do. because on one hand I want to be happy again , I want my old self back. but on the other hand I killed another human being, I killed MY child. I do not deserve to be happy, I do not deserve to be succesffull and I sure as hell do not deserve to be forgiven by myself or by God. I cant even look at myself in the mirror.

so, this is my story and every day is a struggle. and I wish that they wrote things like this in the pamphlets and I wish I had even read the pamhlets. and there is no one to blame but me , but If I just had the strength and courage to listen to myself then I wouldn't be writing this.

so, I am writing this partly to start some sort of healing process. I am writing this so that maybe I can inspire someone to do some research and to ask the questions I didn't ask and I'm partly doing this because I wish someone would have done this for me , even though no one knew what I was going through.

to me forgiveness is saying that what I did is okay, and that what I did is accepted. because I think of forgiveness in this way I'm afraid that I will never forgive myself or find peace because what I did will never be okay in my book. that is my dilemma. there is no easy choice, but looking back I didn't have the strength and courage to follow the choice I wanted all along and that was to keep my unborn child and to raise that child with unconditional love and support and with laughter and joy and I will NEVER have that chance or opportunity and that is what hurts the most. I cant go back, there is no fix button or time machine .whats done is done and I have to live with this forever.

and I remember I went on vacation and I saw two twins and I was holding the baby because she was SO CUTE and the grandmother said to me in Spanish " you have great "maternal instinct." and that will forever be craved into my mind. how can someone with great maternal instinct do what I did? moments like this burn my soul everyday and I die a little more and get a little more depressed as time goes by.

so...

I wont judge you, so please don't judge me as I am the hardest on myself. I just hope that everyone and hopefully me one day. will find peace , forgiveness and healing.
State: Ontario
Country: Canada

Name: Connie NorrisDate: 2/17/2013
I thought I had terminal cancer when, following a routine examination, a nurse led me into my doctor’s office, told me to have a seat, and placed a box of tissue directly in front of me. My mind raced with fear as I studied the hands repetitiously encircling the face of the large clock over his bookcase. An Eternity later, Dr. Wilson hurried in, took his seat, and declared gruffly, “You’re pregnant.” I was perfectly stunned as I reached for the tissue.
He quickly scribbled a phone number onto his prescription pad, ripped off the page, and pushed it across his desk toward my hand while admonishing me to call as soon as possible because “time is of the essence”. Being single, I realized he meant abortion. Although I specifically asked about adoption, he abruptly informed me that it wasn’t an option as the laws were very complex.
Though controlled with medication, the emotional trauma induced a petite mal seizure on my way back to my office. I failed to stop at a traffic light and hit another vehicle. Fortunately, no one was injured.
The ability to think clearly abandoned me as despair seized control of my emotions and circumstances. I felt devastated and alone. Sharing only with those closest to me, everyone agreed that abortion was the only answer to my problem; then I could move on with my life. It was a lie that I chose to believe.
S- and I discussed marriage but as our relationship had deteriorated someone else had taken my place in his heart, and it was clear that a baby would not win him back. So three days later he drove me to an old house – an abortion “clinic” - in Homewood, Alabama.
I stood in a small, dark hallway as someone asked a few brief questions. Although I had epilepsy, they told me it wasn’t a problem and promptly took my $350.00. (I’ve since learned that hospitalization is recommended for women with serious seizure disorders.) I never met the physician.
Another Eternity later, someone led me to a room, instructed me to lie back on an examination table. I was then heavily sedated. Many years later, I vividly recall the haunting sound of the vacuum that ripped my child and my heart from my body. While still drugged and unable to walk or think clearly, I was led to the back door where S- guided me to the car. He later told me that I screamed for my baby all the way home.
But I didn’t stop screaming. I spent months writing notes to my little one, letters of apology that I collected in a beautiful wicker basket. Gripped by thoughts of suicide, I threw them all away hoping it would help me feel better. It didn’t.
After Tim and I married, when I became pregnant, I screamed louder. I realized that it wasn’t merely a “blob of tissue”. I could hear a heartbeat and feel a little one moving purposefully and independently within me. The guilt was overwhelming and emotional despair crippling.
When I held her in my arms, I screamed even louder. It was all so new to me – the emotional ties so unexpected. My life was inextricably bound to hers.
As she grew older, I lived in grave fear that if she – or anyone – discovered my secret, they would turn against me. I paced frantically within my dark and private cage, chained to its bars, frequently contemplating suicide, longing to break free. Then it happened, my precious daughter discovered the door to my private Hell and helped me find freedom in Christ. She became my champion as I began to share my experience with others if only it might prevent just one individual from making a decision that would bind their lives to such pain and regret.
As I’ve shared with others in churches, pro-life or political assemblies, I’ve learned to quickly recognize the wounds that mark a woman’s eyes as they sometimes flee the room in tears when my story touches their experience… or the terror in her features when it’s clear that her husband is unaware of the pain she carries… There are times when circumstances dictate that only my prayers pursue them – “O God, every time they run, let it be deeper into Your Love.”
So many who chose abortion were awakened to the truth while carrying or holding their first child…
Those promoting abortion frequently attempt to prevent counseling or the truth necessary for women to make an informed decision. How I wish someone had shown me a model of the gestational stage of my child… How I wish I could have seen an ultrasound or heard the heartbeat… How I wish I had been informed of the grave depression and suicidal tendencies that would haunt me for almost twenty years of my life… How I wish I had had access to a post-abortive woman who would have warned me of the torment… How I wish there had been a sidewalk counselor outside the clinic that day – someone to guide me through other options… In the end, it was the “choice” that I made, the “choice” I live with, and the “choice” that I’ll profoundly regret even as I take my dying breath. But…
“You turned my wailing into dancing;
You removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy.”
Psalm 30
State: Alabama
Country: United States

Name: terryDate: 1/7/2013
I have had 2 abortions.I am writing this with tears falling down my cheeks,feeling guilty for a sin i commited 4 years ago and another 2 months ago.it is extremely painful and regret it every second of my life,i aborted my 1 and a half month pregnancy due to social problems,i feel very bad about it and i can advice anyone planning to do it that its not the best thing to do,but am happy because of the love that Christ have for me,i repented and He forgave me,now i declare that i will never repeat such an act no matter what,Gog give me other children who will fill my world with laughter and Joy and also give me strength to bring them up,i surrender unto you,no sin is too big for you to forgive.I thank my husband who forgave me and we went on as normal,but my biggest prayer is that i will never repeat such a crime.God help me.I now need another child,God grant unto me a healhty ,bouncing baby,nothing is too hard for you.In Jesus name.Amen
State: Westlands
Country: Kenya

Name: grieving grandmotherDate: 11/25/2012
My son and his gf aborted two within a years time, the most recently being just yesterday. I cried, cried and cried some more and they act like this is a game. They don't seem to really care about anything other than themselves.
They are 19 and 20 but think they know everything and that its ok to keep doing this.
I cant look my son in the eye anymore, he breaks my heart. He defends her and yells at me for interfering. Darn right I am involved, I am the paternal grandmother! I can't believe my son would allow his own off spring to be killed not once but twice! And with the same girl!
My grief and depression is growing deeper I don't know what to do, this hurts so bad I have ultrasound pic of my little peanut and can't let go...
I dont know how to cope...
I kicked my son out and informed him that this girl is no longer welcome in my home. I was good to her, often made sure enough dinner to feed her and she stayed at the house all the time. I feel betrayed, backstabbed and being made to be the monster here and did nothing wrong, other than try to protect that baby. It was never about me or the "glory" of being a first time grandmother, it was about guiding them to do the right thing. I could have dealt with adoption if they felt they couldn't take care of the baby, at least it would have a chance to take a breath and live a good life with a loving couple who couldn't have a child and wanted to provide a good loving safe home for the little tyke.
Abortion is not a means of birth control and girls shouldn't be abusing the system like this. Its not how this works. There has been no show of emotion and the pain has been absorbed in my heart. Don't know how much more I can take...
State: oh
Country: United States

Name: CathyDate: 11/15/2012
We know that some women suffer intense grief, remorse and regret after abortion and that those feelings are disallowed by our society afterwards. This is a terrible thing to do to women - first not to give them real, informed choice and then to deny or dismiss their grief and trauma afterwards. My name is Cathy, I have had - incredibly, to me - two abortions that I did not want but felt as a young, vulnerable woman I had to undergo because of lack of support and pressure from my then partner. I have spent the same amount of years again as the age I was then in a kind of indescribable hell of regret and remorse... seeing the suffering of others like us, a friend and I have set up a website www.abortion-alternativeinformationandsupport.org to help women after abortion, try to inform women who are pregnant about the realities and inform the world in general about what really leads to abortion in many cases and what a violation of human rights it really is. You do not really heal: you learn to survive and you learn to use the compassion from these wounds to connect to and try to help others.
State: Languedoc
Country: France

Name: Robin ClaireDate: 10/26/2012
I am a Christian who had an abortion.
The story is posted on my blog page. Called "A Post Abortion Recovery Story". Through my experience, I was able to fully recover from the guilt I carried because of this. Praise God!!!

My blog page is: robinclaire.wordpress.com
State: Nevada
Country: United States

Name: jenna wolfDate: 10/13/2012
Kate Evans, Loved your piece.
State: San Bernardino
Country: United States

Name: Kate EvansDate: 10/4/2012
I had two abortions. It was fine. At the time, I wasn't ready for motherhood and more important priorities in life. I eventually met a stable, suitable partner and had two lovely children. I'm very glad that I wasn't trapped into motherhood before I was ready. Yes, those were babies that I aborted. I feel that their spirits floated away to find another mom who could love and care for them.
State: Somerset
Country: United Kingdom

Name: ShaeDate: 9/26/2012
An abortion affected me so much I actually did it two times I did it because I was afrraid of what people were going to think about me. and how they would judge me Im 21 even me uncle and aunt told me to get an abortion. But my mom didnt want me to make that choice.
State: north carolina
Country: United States

Name: LPDate: 8/26/2012
I just want anyone who reads this to know that there are other options then turning to god for your loss, even if religion is a large part of your life, God will forgive you of this "sin". I had an abortion when i was in grade 11, which means i was 16 years old, I am now 20 and the after effects still bother me. I always used to feel like no one understood, which in a sense was true because no one i knew had been through the same struggle as me. I was forced into my abortion, not by my family, but by his, and without a say in what my own body and mind was going through i felt alone. Years of therapy couldn't help me because i was so lost without my WANTED child. I was grieving and i know many of you are as well. I always felt like i could have raised this child without his help and that was the hardest part, knowing that i have killed a part of me. BUT it does get better, i promise. And it will never truely feel better because there will always be a part of you missing, but you have given yourself a chance to grow. Take advantage of this time and go to school, get a degree, and change yourself for the good. Realize your own inner strength and rely on you and only you. It will take time but the success that you feel for yourself will be worth it in the end. I am now a third year University student and i feel so accomplished and grateful that i had the chance to take time out for myself. One day i do want a family, but not until i make the choice, and it is not being forced upon me. All i ask for is for you to look deep inside and think about what is right for you, and only you. To this day i still cannot look or be around new born babies without feeling remorse, but i know when i make the decision to have kids myself i will be able to, and all the love i have will go towards my family. So please do yourself a favor and dont listen to anyone but yourself, because in the long run you know whats best for yourself. With all the best wished towards you, thank you for considering, LP.
State: Saskatchewan
Country: Canada

Name: elizabeth dellDate: 5/8/2012
in one way it will never truly end for me in this life because now i face another birthday which falls on Mother's Day and if i had children you can be sure that my Mother would find a way to see me on my birthday and Mother's Day but her i encounter even more of the same old rejection from my mother and I am certain that if I had children she would put me and my life up much much higher on her list. It is one terrible decision to go to a Doctor and agree to allow him to "kill" your only child. At that time I didn't know that it would be my only baby. I had wanted to adopt but never had enough money.
i can pray that God may open the doors for me to do baby and Mother photos as a photographer that may help with my own loss...babies are so miraculous.
However, for me it is a daunting task to face some days when I know that i do not truly fit in a world where women at least have children even if they don't have a husband.
I don't want to give up. I still want to succeed and hopefully it will become easier...before i get to Heaven to be reunited.
love always,Elizabeth
State: Ontario
Country: Canada

Name: sadie hillDate: 4/4/2012
i aborted my baby and i hate myself for it im a killer i killed my child, one of Gods children.... why should a child go through that? i did that when i was 14 years old. i remember when he came out the was in pain i heard him scream and i saw the look of pain on his face. i ask myself everyday why in the hell did i kill a innocent child.. so please if you read this and your only thinking about abortion please dont do it. its just a baby give it a chance to live! if you cant take care of it give it up for adoption. just dont kill it bacause you will feel horrible for the rest of your life. and you will regret it i promise you
State: ohio
Country: American Samoa

Name: Rebecca Date: 3/21/2012
I was only 14 weeks pregnant. Didn't have any clue about it until i went to my ankle apoinyment. Wasn't with the baby daddy anymore and he moved on 3 weeks after we broke-up. I was scared when i had found out. Thank god my mom helped me and my sis was there for me and we kept it a secret even till now. Noone in my family know niether the baby daddy. I'm still emotional after a month and a week and hide my emotions in but when im alone i let them out. Hurts to know i didnt let my nephews have another cousin but i had to relize i wasn't ready to have a kid yet. I wasn't done with school. I had to be the first to follow my career and college. I didn't want to do it on my own and I knew that he was gonna deny the baby situation cause he thinks he's all that. I couldn't fall behind. But mainly have my parents/family raise it with the career i wanna do. I couldn't let the baby get inbetween my and the army. Im not saying it in a mean way but its my responsibilty and i couldn't let my family do my job without me in it. I wish i can get over the emotional situation but it's hard that i pass by him at school and he isn't there to help me threw it. Even harder that my mom and sis don't want me to talk about it. I need a person/friend who can understand me threw everything who has been threw it and is or has recovered.
State: texas
Country: United States

Name: anonymousDate: 2/22/2012
I just had an abortion not even one week ago. I took the RU486 in hopes I would not have to have nightmares of hearing that machine and less invasive procedure. My boyfriend and I were not ready for a child right now. He has 3 and is a wonderful father to them, but he's going through a very tough time with their mothers and our financial situation is not good at all. This was very very very hard for me. I always wanted to be a mom. I always thought when God blessed me with a child I would feel so happy. When I found out I was pregnant I was completely shocked. I wanted to feel happy. I was so scared. I made a mistake. At the clinic, I was in a room full of women, waiting for the same thing. For 4 hours. In a room of about 15 women, I'd say only 3 of us were feeling emotional. There were some painting their nails, using Facebook, Putting on makeup, speaking of how it was their 4th abortion. It made me feel so sick. This was never something I thought I would ever do. I was so scared. I went into the room after they had weighed me and took my b/p and blood, sat on the table naked from the waist down. They did an ultrasound, immediately told me my options to end the pregnancy. I broke down. I couldn't believe it was "that easy". I asked for the pill. 2 minutes later a lady comes in with one pill and says "this is the one to end your pregnancy" I was at a loss for words. "What....?" I said with tears in my eyes. ""This is the one to end the pregnancy" I looked at it for a second and I swallowed it with a cup of water. An unbelievable feeling came over me. I immediately wished I could take it back. They gave me the rest of the pills and instructed me what to do and what would happen if I didn't. I came home and cried all night. My boyfriend was here to try to comfort me, we both were scared. The next day I took the other 4. Immediately I was cramping, not so bad. About 2 hours later I felt the most horrible pain I've ever felt. Laying on my bed with my boyfriend at my side, trying to hold in my tears, I couldn't. I broke down, the pain was so intense accompanied by mentally trying to comprehend what was happening. for 6 hours I was miserable. We were both very emotional. We realized it was wrong. I am still trying to process what happened. It's not an easy thing. This was not for me. I hope God will help me recover from this. It is something I am NEVER doing again, regardless of the circumstance. I've learned, I feel the pain. I am hoping for forgiveness. I will never forget what I've done, but I hope with time I'll be able to let go of some of these feelings. I'm so sorry I did this. I will never take a gift from God for granted again. Everyone has a choice, so please, if you do choose this, make sure it is 110% right for you, as it is not as "easy" as it sounds. It's horrible, at least for me.
State: ca
Country: United States

Name: JennaDate: 2/6/2012
i was 21 and got preg. i was in a very hard time with my ex fiance, when i got preg. i saw my whole life falling apart, i knew having a baby would not help our relationship. he was very against having the baby, he knew we wouldnt be able to take care of him or her properly. i grew up always trying to not mess up because my birth mom and her birth mom messed their lives up, i was determined to not do the same. i had my abortion and after felt sad. i still feel sad and sometimes wonder what my life would be like now with a three month old. i wasnt ready to be a mom and i know that that is OK, i want my someday baby to have everything they need, i just tell my self i was not ready and now i can work on myself. it hurts and probably always will but i know i made the right decision. i have now graduated from college and moved to a new state, doing so much with my life i would have not been able to till i was way older because of the strains of motherhood. i wanted to live my life with no regrets. and with having a baby i knew i would be angry i had to put my life on hold. now i dont feel that way and someday when im ready i will have a family and be a happy person who fufilled their dreams.
State: tx
Country: United States

Name: Sarah MartinDate: 2/2/2012
This is a message series called " Have the Funeral"... don't loose me, hang tight fora second! You can't pretend the pain doesn't exist. When someone offends you or wrongs you, (Or you have wronged and feel guilty) deal with it God's way and deal with it fast. Allowing unforgiveness (even with yourself) to reside in your heart can crush you, shatter relationships, and hinder your walk with God. There's no time for that!!! When you follow Jesus Christ, forgiveness is not optional--it is ESSENTIAL. We have to view forgiveness God's way . . . UNLIMITED and often completely undeserved. It is an act of the will as memorable as a funeral; grieve the loss, but then leave it behind you. If you think your hurt is too big to heal, Remember Jesus words, Forgive and you will be Forgiven. Apply the steps to have the funeral to your hurting heart! Let the pain and hurt go... find your Life in HIM!!

Part 1

http://www.jamesmacdonald.com/teaching/audio/the-wake-viewing-unforgiveness-as-god-does-4/#divAudioPlaylist-tab



Part 2


http://www.jamesmacdonald.com/teaching/audio/the-burial-making-forgiveness-final-4/#divAudioPlaylist-tab
State: PA
Country: United States

Name: Genia StephensonDate: 2/1/2012
Women, if you're considering having an abortion, just DON'T. It's NOT a solution to your situation but presents a lifetime of serious problems. Thankfully, I've never been in the situation where I've, even, had to consider having an abortion but, as can see from all of these similar comments, it's a gut-wrenching, LIFE-ALTERING decision. At age 31, divorced with 2 very young daughters, I started my teaching career. The woman who was my assistant ( about my age ) told me that she had had multiple abortions. Sometimes, she had this blank stare on her face & seemed detached. After she told me, it clarified to me why she looked this way. I wondered if her being around the students at our school, made her speculate what the children she'd aborted would have been like. At the time, I couldn't comprehend how, for any reason, someone could 'kill' their unborn child. I believe life begins at the instant of conception. From what they've said, it's obvious that many of these women knew right from wrong but, for various reasons, were conflicted. Those who have not, yet, sought pre or post abortion counseling need to do so. Those who've had an abortion will never feel whole until they get resolution. Otherwise, it will be a 'wound' that will never heal. Recently, there has been an advertisement on TV with the, now, older woman who was the impetus behind the Supreme Court decision Roe vs. Wade, which legalized abortion 'on demand' in the United States. She was young & confused at the time. It seems she was 'railroaded' into that legal battle. The 'funny' part is, she said she has had 3 daughters & NEVER had any abortions. She 'found God' & He repaired her heart & life. Praise be to God. He is the best counselor & healer for everything.
State: Arizona
Country: United States

Name: Vinnie MaierDate: 2/1/2012
It's been 11 years since I made the choice to abort my child.I never got over it and I don't think I ever will.Before I had an abortion and experienced the after math for myself I was pro-choice.I chose life now,I would never encourage anyone to have one regardless of how the baby was put in their life.There are other alternatives.I believe God has a plan no matter how horrible the situation.I have learned a great deal from this experience.My eye's were opened to what abortion really is.My heart aches so much for my child.
I am married now and I have 3 beautiful children,my life is good.Being pregnant my daughter was hard,I was very emotional the entire time.When I held my daughter in my arms for the first time I just cried,I cried for so many reasons,mainly because I was so happy and relived that she came into this world safe and because I realized again what I had done 5 years before her birth.
I feel like I am supposed to suffer for the rest of my life to some degree,being sorry isn't enough because the reality is that I killed my baby.

I swam a pond the devils lake
but never,never,never,
I'll never make the same mistake...never,never,never..

The wind by Cat Stevens
State: california
Country: United States

Name: Becky ResinaDate: 2/1/2012
Surrendering the Secret was the 8 week group I was a part of and it changed my life for the better. I spent 18 years with post traumatic stress disorder, beating myself up over it and self loathing finally I am at peace by the grace of God and the wonderful women in my group. It gave me the much needed closure from such a traumatic experience in my life. If you have been in my shoes and have not gotten help I strongly suggest you do it is amazing how much pain you bottle from it....set it free and live and love yourself again.
State: FL
Country: United States

Name: lashayDate: 1/27/2012
i was 14 when i firsy had abortion and it hurted luike heck and i reget it but i had to do it to stay in school and i love my little one and now i have a pretty little girl.
State: fl
Country: United States

Name: vidhuDate: 12/28/2011
Soft gentle smiles
Sparkling fresh eyes
Tiny moving hands
Skin soft as silk

All of my joy
Wrapped in a tiny packet
I hope you know
You're a beautiful baby

You give me love
You make me weak
You call out for me
And my heart skips a beat

Longing to hold you
Through all of my days
Come back to me
Come fill my arms again

I'm sorry for the wrong
I'm sorry for the pain
Hoping it helps you
When I say I love you
State: delhi
Country: India

Name: NoneDate: 10/12/2011
Every single day since I have gotten my abortion, I think about the doctor finally coming in my room. I thought i would've felt so relieved since I'd been waiting for 8 hours. WRONG. It was the worst moment of my whole entire life. I had seconds to make the biggest decision I've ever faced. After, I was filled with regret and countless emotions, up and down.
It has only been two weeks but I cry everyday when my mom leaves for work after I get home from school. I cry long, and I cry hard. I cry cause I want my baby back so bad. People who haven't gone through this don't understand. Yes, I was only 2 months pregnant. But I was the only thing that almost baby had. I fed it, i grew it.It was mine, only mine. I'm so depressed now, everything piles up on top of this stress and I break down, everynight. I just want to be happy. I just wish I knew that I'd feel this way before I got my abortion. I wish i wouldve never done it.



- Signed,
15year old
State: California
Country: United States

Name: aliDate: 8/31/2011
I'm 20yrs old. i turn 21 on september 22 i'm raising my 1 1/2yrold daughter practically on my own. in march of this year i found out i was pregnant again with my ex fiances child. between him and my father i felt so corned and alone. my dad told me he kick me and both children out on the streets my ex brought the daughter we already had into it and how i "struggle" with her. i made the appointment at the clinic to just shut everyone up. i got there i went into the room to get weighed and whatnot and walked straight out i couldn't do it i couldn't stop a beating heart. my ex walked out right behind me and fought with me bringing our daughter into it and how this isnt fair to her and i broke. i got a really bad infection after and ended up in the hospital so it didn't end after the procedure. i've felt so ashamed and broken and lost.i'm trying to go to school full time so i can finish college in timely manner and raise my daughter effectively plus work full time. i'm finding the more i try to push through the more i fall apart it has taken over my life. i find myself eating sleeping pills like they're candy and subcontiously just hoping i get pregnant again. yet at the same time being so wreckless with my own life which eats me alive because my daughters my whole entire world id do anything for her she's my one true weakness but when she's with her father 1 1/2days a week im getting black out drunk and just losing it. this has ruined my life because it goes against all beliefs and i dont know how to get better no one around me understands. the people that know are sitting there going you made the right decision you should be fine. but i'm not and i cant control it. it just doesn't go away it eats and eats and eats at me. i slowly losing my mind because of it.
State: Massachusetts
Country: United States

Name: KatieDate: 2/27/2011
I had an abortion 3 months ago...It was by far the biggest regret I have ever had. I'm 19 years old, I am going to school full time and working full time as well...I learned I was pregnant a few weeks before Christmas. I told my parents and they said the only option was an abortion. If I didn't agree to it they would completely dis-own me and have me arrested If I stepped foot on their property. They were disgusted and dissapointed with me. My father threw 600 dollars at me and told me to go to the Abortion Clinic. I had no ones support. I had never felt so alone. I already cared for my child, I felt I had some sort of bond with she/he...I was already picking out names, looking at baby shoes, talking to my belly, and thinking about our future..But those dreams shattered quickly. Reality hit, and I knew what I had to do. I had the procedure done, and the recovery was horrible!! I couldn't move for weeks. I had never been in so much pain in all my life.

There is not a day that goes by I don't think about my child...I'm embarassed and ashamed...And so alone.
State: Michigan
Country: United States

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