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Tuesday, May 21, 2013
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Share Your AFTER Abortion Recovery Thoughts...
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Welcome to our message board for those who have EXPERIENCED an ABORTION RECOVERY PROGRAM!
If you, or someone you know has benefited from the abortion recovery process, we'd love to know the positive impact on your/their life and relationships. This will help others to see how participating in an abortion recovery program can make their lives better, and the lives around them!
If the space below isn't long enough for your comments, we'd love to hear from you. Send us your story and we may post it on our Stories of Recovery page.
NOTE: City and website fields are optional. Email is requested only to protect the integrity of those entering information. Your private information will not be disclosed.
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Share Your After Abortion Recovery Thoughts...
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| Name: Connie Norris | Date: 2/17/2013 | I thought I had terminal cancer when, following a routine examination, a nurse led me into my doctor’s office, told me to have a seat, and placed a box of tissue directly in front of me. My mind raced with fear as I studied the hands repetitiously encircling the face of the large clock over his bookcase. An Eternity later, Dr. Wilson hurried in, took his seat, and declared gruffly, “You’re pregnant.” I was perfectly stunned as I reached for the tissue.
He quickly scribbled a phone number onto his prescription pad, ripped off the page, and pushed it across his desk toward my hand while admonishing me to call as soon as possible because “time is of the essence”. Being single, I realized he meant abortion. Although I specifically asked about adoption, he abruptly informed me that it wasn’t an option as the laws were very complex.
Though controlled with medication, the emotional trauma induced a petite mal seizure on my way back to my office. I failed to stop at a traffic light and hit another vehicle. Fortunately, no one was injured.
The ability to think clearly abandoned me as despair seized control of my emotions and circumstances. I felt devastated and alone. Sharing only with those closest to me, everyone agreed that abortion was the only answer to my problem; then I could move on with my life. It was a lie that I chose to believe.
S- and I discussed marriage but as our relationship had deteriorated someone else had taken my place in his heart, and it was clear that a baby would not win him back. So three days later he drove me to an old house – an abortion “clinic” - in Homewood, Alabama.
I stood in a small, dark hallway as someone asked a few brief questions. Although I had epilepsy, they told me it wasn’t a problem and promptly took my $350.00. (I’ve since learned that hospitalization is recommended for women with serious seizure disorders.) I never met the physician.
Another Eternity later, someone led me to a room, instructed me to lie back on an examination table. I was then heavily sedated. Many years later, I vividly recall the haunting sound of the vacuum that ripped my child and my heart from my body. While still drugged and unable to walk or think clearly, I was led to the back door where S- guided me to the car. He later told me that I screamed for my baby all the way home.
But I didn’t stop screaming. I spent months writing notes to my little one, letters of apology that I collected in a beautiful wicker basket. Gripped by thoughts of suicide, I threw them all away hoping it would help me feel better. It didn’t.
After Tim and I married, when I became pregnant, I screamed louder. I realized that it wasn’t merely a “blob of tissue”. I could hear a heartbeat and feel a little one moving purposefully and independently within me. The guilt was overwhelming and emotional despair crippling.
When I held her in my arms, I screamed even louder. It was all so new to me – the emotional ties so unexpected. My life was inextricably bound to hers.
As she grew older, I lived in grave fear that if she – or anyone – discovered my secret, they would turn against me. I paced frantically within my dark and private cage, chained to its bars, frequently contemplating suicide, longing to break free. Then it happened, my precious daughter discovered the door to my private Hell and helped me find freedom in Christ. She became my champion as I began to share my experience with others if only it might prevent just one individual from making a decision that would bind their lives to such pain and regret.
As I’ve shared with others in churches, pro-life or political assemblies, I’ve learned to quickly recognize the wounds that mark a woman’s eyes as they sometimes flee the room in tears when my story touches their experience… or the terror in her features when it’s clear that her husband is unaware of the pain she carries… There are times when circumstances dictate that only my prayers pursue them – “O God, every time they run, let it be deeper into Your Love.”
So many who chose abortion were awakened to the truth while carrying or holding their first child…
Those promoting abortion frequently attempt to prevent counseling or the truth necessary for women to make an informed decision. How I wish someone had shown me a model of the gestational stage of my child… How I wish I could have seen an ultrasound or heard the heartbeat… How I wish I had been informed of the grave depression and suicidal tendencies that would haunt me for almost twenty years of my life… How I wish I had had access to a post-abortive woman who would have warned me of the torment… How I wish there had been a sidewalk counselor outside the clinic that day – someone to guide me through other options… In the end, it was the “choice” that I made, the “choice” I live with, and the “choice” that I’ll profoundly regret even as I take my dying breath. But…
“You turned my wailing into dancing;
You removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy.”
Psalm 30 |
| State: Alabama | | Country: United States |
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| Name: terry | Date: 1/7/2013 | | I have had 2 abortions.I am writing this with tears falling down my cheeks,feeling guilty for a sin i commited 4 years ago and another 2 months ago.it is extremely painful and regret it every second of my life,i aborted my 1 and a half month pregnancy due to social problems,i feel very bad about it and i can advice anyone planning to do it that its not the best thing to do,but am happy because of the love that Christ have for me,i repented and He forgave me,now i declare that i will never repeat such an act no matter what,Gog give me other children who will fill my world with laughter and Joy and also give me strength to bring them up,i surrender unto you,no sin is too big for you to forgive.I thank my husband who forgave me and we went on as normal,but my biggest prayer is that i will never repeat such a crime.God help me.I now need another child,God grant unto me a healhty ,bouncing baby,nothing is too hard for you.In Jesus name.Amen |
| State: Westlands | | Country: Kenya |
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| Name: grieving grandmother | Date: 11/25/2012 | My son and his gf aborted two within a years time, the most recently being just yesterday. I cried, cried and cried some more and they act like this is a game. They don't seem to really care about anything other than themselves.
They are 19 and 20 but think they know everything and that its ok to keep doing this.
I cant look my son in the eye anymore, he breaks my heart. He defends her and yells at me for interfering. Darn right I am involved, I am the paternal grandmother! I can't believe my son would allow his own off spring to be killed not once but twice! And with the same girl!
My grief and depression is growing deeper I don't know what to do, this hurts so bad I have ultrasound pic of my little peanut and can't let go...
I dont know how to cope...
I kicked my son out and informed him that this girl is no longer welcome in my home. I was good to her, often made sure enough dinner to feed her and she stayed at the house all the time. I feel betrayed, backstabbed and being made to be the monster here and did nothing wrong, other than try to protect that baby. It was never about me or the "glory" of being a first time grandmother, it was about guiding them to do the right thing. I could have dealt with adoption if they felt they couldn't take care of the baby, at least it would have a chance to take a breath and live a good life with a loving couple who couldn't have a child and wanted to provide a good loving safe home for the little tyke.
Abortion is not a means of birth control and girls shouldn't be abusing the system like this. Its not how this works. There has been no show of emotion and the pain has been absorbed in my heart. Don't know how much more I can take...
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| State: oh | | Country: United States |
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| Name: Cathy | Date: 11/15/2012 | | We know that some women suffer intense grief, remorse and regret after abortion and that those feelings are disallowed by our society afterwards. This is a terrible thing to do to women - first not to give them real, informed choice and then to deny or dismiss their grief and trauma afterwards. My name is Cathy, I have had - incredibly, to me - two abortions that I did not want but felt as a young, vulnerable woman I had to undergo because of lack of support and pressure from my then partner. I have spent the same amount of years again as the age I was then in a kind of indescribable hell of regret and remorse... seeing the suffering of others like us, a friend and I have set up a website www.abortion-alternativeinformationandsupport.org to help women after abortion, try to inform women who are pregnant about the realities and inform the world in general about what really leads to abortion in many cases and what a violation of human rights it really is. You do not really heal: you learn to survive and you learn to use the compassion from these wounds to connect to and try to help others. |
| State: Languedoc | | Country: France |
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| Name: Robin Claire | Date: 10/26/2012 | I am a Christian who had an abortion.
The story is posted on my blog page. Called "A Post Abortion Recovery Story". Through my experience, I was able to fully recover from the guilt I carried because of this. Praise God!!!
My blog page is: robinclaire.wordpress.com |
| State: Nevada | | Country: United States |
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| Name: jenna wolf | Date: 10/13/2012 | | Kate Evans, Loved your piece. |
| State: San Bernardino | | Country: United States |
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| Name: Kate Evans | Date: 10/4/2012 | I had two abortions. It was fine. At the time, I wasn't ready for motherhood and more important priorities in life. I eventually met a stable, suitable partner and had two lovely children. I'm very glad that I wasn't trapped into motherhood before I was ready. Yes, those were babies that I aborted. I feel that their spirits floated away to find another mom who could love and care for them.
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| State: Somerset | | Country: United Kingdom |
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| Name: Shae | Date: 9/26/2012 | | An abortion affected me so much I actually did it two times I did it because I was afrraid of what people were going to think about me. and how they would judge me Im 21 even me uncle and aunt told me to get an abortion. But my mom didnt want me to make that choice. |
| State: north carolina | | Country: United States |
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| Name: LP | Date: 8/26/2012 | | I just want anyone who reads this to know that there are other options then turning to god for your loss, even if religion is a large part of your life, God will forgive you of this "sin". I had an abortion when i was in grade 11, which means i was 16 years old, I am now 20 and the after effects still bother me. I always used to feel like no one understood, which in a sense was true because no one i knew had been through the same struggle as me. I was forced into my abortion, not by my family, but by his, and without a say in what my own body and mind was going through i felt alone. Years of therapy couldn't help me because i was so lost without my WANTED child. I was grieving and i know many of you are as well. I always felt like i could have raised this child without his help and that was the hardest part, knowing that i have killed a part of me. BUT it does get better, i promise. And it will never truely feel better because there will always be a part of you missing, but you have given yourself a chance to grow. Take advantage of this time and go to school, get a degree, and change yourself for the good. Realize your own inner strength and rely on you and only you. It will take time but the success that you feel for yourself will be worth it in the end. I am now a third year University student and i feel so accomplished and grateful that i had the chance to take time out for myself. One day i do want a family, but not until i make the choice, and it is not being forced upon me. All i ask for is for you to look deep inside and think about what is right for you, and only you. To this day i still cannot look or be around new born babies without feeling remorse, but i know when i make the decision to have kids myself i will be able to, and all the love i have will go towards my family. So please do yourself a favor and dont listen to anyone but yourself, because in the long run you know whats best for yourself. With all the best wished towards you, thank you for considering, LP. |
| State: Saskatchewan | | Country: Canada |
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| Name: elizabeth dell | Date: 5/8/2012 | in one way it will never truly end for me in this life because now i face another birthday which falls on Mother's Day and if i had children you can be sure that my Mother would find a way to see me on my birthday and Mother's Day but her i encounter even more of the same old rejection from my mother and I am certain that if I had children she would put me and my life up much much higher on her list. It is one terrible decision to go to a Doctor and agree to allow him to "kill" your only child. At that time I didn't know that it would be my only baby. I had wanted to adopt but never had enough money.
i can pray that God may open the doors for me to do baby and Mother photos as a photographer that may help with my own loss...babies are so miraculous.
However, for me it is a daunting task to face some days when I know that i do not truly fit in a world where women at least have children even if they don't have a husband.
I don't want to give up. I still want to succeed and hopefully it will become easier...before i get to Heaven to be reunited.
love always,Elizabeth |
| State: Ontario | | Country: Canada |
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| Name: sadie hill | Date: 4/4/2012 | | i aborted my baby and i hate myself for it im a killer i killed my child, one of Gods children.... why should a child go through that? i did that when i was 14 years old. i remember when he came out the was in pain i heard him scream and i saw the look of pain on his face. i ask myself everyday why in the hell did i kill a innocent child.. so please if you read this and your only thinking about abortion please dont do it. its just a baby give it a chance to live! if you cant take care of it give it up for adoption. just dont kill it bacause you will feel horrible for the rest of your life. and you will regret it i promise you |
| State: ohio | | Country: American Samoa |
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| Name: Rebecca | Date: 3/21/2012 | | I was only 14 weeks pregnant. Didn't have any clue about it until i went to my ankle apoinyment. Wasn't with the baby daddy anymore and he moved on 3 weeks after we broke-up. I was scared when i had found out. Thank god my mom helped me and my sis was there for me and we kept it a secret even till now. Noone in my family know niether the baby daddy. I'm still emotional after a month and a week and hide my emotions in but when im alone i let them out. Hurts to know i didnt let my nephews have another cousin but i had to relize i wasn't ready to have a kid yet. I wasn't done with school. I had to be the first to follow my career and college. I didn't want to do it on my own and I knew that he was gonna deny the baby situation cause he thinks he's all that. I couldn't fall behind. But mainly have my parents/family raise it with the career i wanna do. I couldn't let the baby get inbetween my and the army. Im not saying it in a mean way but its my responsibilty and i couldn't let my family do my job without me in it. I wish i can get over the emotional situation but it's hard that i pass by him at school and he isn't there to help me threw it. Even harder that my mom and sis don't want me to talk about it. I need a person/friend who can understand me threw everything who has been threw it and is or has recovered. |
| State: texas | | Country: United States |
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| Name: anonymous | Date: 2/22/2012 | | I just had an abortion not even one week ago. I took the RU486 in hopes I would not have to have nightmares of hearing that machine and less invasive procedure. My boyfriend and I were not ready for a child right now. He has 3 and is a wonderful father to them, but he's going through a very tough time with their mothers and our financial situation is not good at all. This was very very very hard for me. I always wanted to be a mom. I always thought when God blessed me with a child I would feel so happy. When I found out I was pregnant I was completely shocked. I wanted to feel happy. I was so scared. I made a mistake. At the clinic, I was in a room full of women, waiting for the same thing. For 4 hours. In a room of about 15 women, I'd say only 3 of us were feeling emotional. There were some painting their nails, using Facebook, Putting on makeup, speaking of how it was their 4th abortion. It made me feel so sick. This was never something I thought I would ever do. I was so scared. I went into the room after they had weighed me and took my b/p and blood, sat on the table naked from the waist down. They did an ultrasound, immediately told me my options to end the pregnancy. I broke down. I couldn't believe it was "that easy". I asked for the pill. 2 minutes later a lady comes in with one pill and says "this is the one to end your pregnancy" I was at a loss for words. "What....?" I said with tears in my eyes. ""This is the one to end the pregnancy" I looked at it for a second and I swallowed it with a cup of water. An unbelievable feeling came over me. I immediately wished I could take it back. They gave me the rest of the pills and instructed me what to do and what would happen if I didn't. I came home and cried all night. My boyfriend was here to try to comfort me, we both were scared. The next day I took the other 4. Immediately I was cramping, not so bad. About 2 hours later I felt the most horrible pain I've ever felt. Laying on my bed with my boyfriend at my side, trying to hold in my tears, I couldn't. I broke down, the pain was so intense accompanied by mentally trying to comprehend what was happening. for 6 hours I was miserable. We were both very emotional. We realized it was wrong. I am still trying to process what happened. It's not an easy thing. This was not for me. I hope God will help me recover from this. It is something I am NEVER doing again, regardless of the circumstance. I've learned, I feel the pain. I am hoping for forgiveness. I will never forget what I've done, but I hope with time I'll be able to let go of some of these feelings. I'm so sorry I did this. I will never take a gift from God for granted again. Everyone has a choice, so please, if you do choose this, make sure it is 110% right for you, as it is not as "easy" as it sounds. It's horrible, at least for me. |
| State: ca | | Country: United States |
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| Name: Jenna | Date: 2/6/2012 | | i was 21 and got preg. i was in a very hard time with my ex fiance, when i got preg. i saw my whole life falling apart, i knew having a baby would not help our relationship. he was very against having the baby, he knew we wouldnt be able to take care of him or her properly. i grew up always trying to not mess up because my birth mom and her birth mom messed their lives up, i was determined to not do the same. i had my abortion and after felt sad. i still feel sad and sometimes wonder what my life would be like now with a three month old. i wasnt ready to be a mom and i know that that is OK, i want my someday baby to have everything they need, i just tell my self i was not ready and now i can work on myself. it hurts and probably always will but i know i made the right decision. i have now graduated from college and moved to a new state, doing so much with my life i would have not been able to till i was way older because of the strains of motherhood. i wanted to live my life with no regrets. and with having a baby i knew i would be angry i had to put my life on hold. now i dont feel that way and someday when im ready i will have a family and be a happy person who fufilled their dreams. |
| State: tx | | Country: United States |
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| Name: Sarah Martin | Date: 2/2/2012 | This is a message series called " Have the Funeral"... don't loose me, hang tight fora second! You can't pretend the pain doesn't exist. When someone offends you or wrongs you, (Or you have wronged and feel guilty) deal with it God's way and deal with it fast. Allowing unforgiveness (even with yourself) to reside in your heart can crush you, shatter relationships, and hinder your walk with God. There's no time for that!!! When you follow Jesus Christ, forgiveness is not optional--it is ESSENTIAL. We have to view forgiveness God's way . . . UNLIMITED and often completely undeserved. It is an act of the will as memorable as a funeral; grieve the loss, but then leave it behind you. If you think your hurt is too big to heal, Remember Jesus words, Forgive and you will be Forgiven. Apply the steps to have the funeral to your hurting heart! Let the pain and hurt go... find your Life in HIM!!
Part 1
http://www.jamesmacdonald.com/teaching/audio/the-wake-viewing-unforgiveness-as-god-does-4/#divAudioPlaylist-tab
Part 2
http://www.jamesmacdonald.com/teaching/audio/the-burial-making-forgiveness-final-4/#divAudioPlaylist-tab |
| State: PA | | Country: United States |
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| Name: Genia Stephenson | Date: 2/1/2012 | | Women, if you're considering having an abortion, just DON'T. It's NOT a solution to your situation but presents a lifetime of serious problems. Thankfully, I've never been in the situation where I've, even, had to consider having an abortion but, as can see from all of these similar comments, it's a gut-wrenching, LIFE-ALTERING decision. At age 31, divorced with 2 very young daughters, I started my teaching career. The woman who was my assistant ( about my age ) told me that she had had multiple abortions. Sometimes, she had this blank stare on her face & seemed detached. After she told me, it clarified to me why she looked this way. I wondered if her being around the students at our school, made her speculate what the children she'd aborted would have been like. At the time, I couldn't comprehend how, for any reason, someone could 'kill' their unborn child. I believe life begins at the instant of conception. From what they've said, it's obvious that many of these women knew right from wrong but, for various reasons, were conflicted. Those who have not, yet, sought pre or post abortion counseling need to do so. Those who've had an abortion will never feel whole until they get resolution. Otherwise, it will be a 'wound' that will never heal. Recently, there has been an advertisement on TV with the, now, older woman who was the impetus behind the Supreme Court decision Roe vs. Wade, which legalized abortion 'on demand' in the United States. She was young & confused at the time. It seems she was 'railroaded' into that legal battle. The 'funny' part is, she said she has had 3 daughters & NEVER had any abortions. She 'found God' & He repaired her heart & life. Praise be to God. He is the best counselor & healer for everything. |
| State: Arizona | | Country: United States |
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| Name: Vinnie Maier | Date: 2/1/2012 | It's been 11 years since I made the choice to abort my child.I never got over it and I don't think I ever will.Before I had an abortion and experienced the after math for myself I was pro-choice.I chose life now,I would never encourage anyone to have one regardless of how the baby was put in their life.There are other alternatives.I believe God has a plan no matter how horrible the situation.I have learned a great deal from this experience.My eye's were opened to what abortion really is.My heart aches so much for my child.
I am married now and I have 3 beautiful children,my life is good.Being pregnant my daughter was hard,I was very emotional the entire time.When I held my daughter in my arms for the first time I just cried,I cried for so many reasons,mainly because I was so happy and relived that she came into this world safe and because I realized again what I had done 5 years before her birth.
I feel like I am supposed to suffer for the rest of my life to some degree,being sorry isn't enough because the reality is that I killed my baby.
I swam a pond the devils lake
but never,never,never,
I'll never make the same mistake...never,never,never..
The wind by Cat Stevens |
| State: california | | Country: United States |
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| Name: Becky Resina | Date: 2/1/2012 | | Surrendering the Secret was the 8 week group I was a part of and it changed my life for the better. I spent 18 years with post traumatic stress disorder, beating myself up over it and self loathing finally I am at peace by the grace of God and the wonderful women in my group. It gave me the much needed closure from such a traumatic experience in my life. If you have been in my shoes and have not gotten help I strongly suggest you do it is amazing how much pain you bottle from it....set it free and live and love yourself again. |
| State: FL | | Country: United States |
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| Name: lashay | Date: 1/27/2012 | | i was 14 when i firsy had abortion and it hurted luike heck and i reget it but i had to do it to stay in school and i love my little one and now i have a pretty little girl. |
| State: fl | | Country: United States |
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| Name: vidhu | Date: 12/28/2011 | Soft gentle smiles
Sparkling fresh eyes
Tiny moving hands
Skin soft as silk
All of my joy
Wrapped in a tiny packet
I hope you know
You're a beautiful baby
You give me love
You make me weak
You call out for me
And my heart skips a beat
Longing to hold you
Through all of my days
Come back to me
Come fill my arms again
I'm sorry for the wrong
I'm sorry for the pain
Hoping it helps you
When I say I love you |
| State: delhi | | Country: India |
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| Name: None | Date: 10/12/2011 | Every single day since I have gotten my abortion, I think about the doctor finally coming in my room. I thought i would've felt so relieved since I'd been waiting for 8 hours. WRONG. It was the worst moment of my whole entire life. I had seconds to make the biggest decision I've ever faced. After, I was filled with regret and countless emotions, up and down.
It has only been two weeks but I cry everyday when my mom leaves for work after I get home from school. I cry long, and I cry hard. I cry cause I want my baby back so bad. People who haven't gone through this don't understand. Yes, I was only 2 months pregnant. But I was the only thing that almost baby had. I fed it, i grew it.It was mine, only mine. I'm so depressed now, everything piles up on top of this stress and I break down, everynight. I just want to be happy. I just wish I knew that I'd feel this way before I got my abortion. I wish i wouldve never done it.
- Signed,
15year old
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| State: California | | Country: United States |
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| Name: ali | Date: 8/31/2011 | | I'm 20yrs old. i turn 21 on september 22 i'm raising my 1 1/2yrold daughter practically on my own. in march of this year i found out i was pregnant again with my ex fiances child. between him and my father i felt so corned and alone. my dad told me he kick me and both children out on the streets my ex brought the daughter we already had into it and how i "struggle" with her. i made the appointment at the clinic to just shut everyone up. i got there i went into the room to get weighed and whatnot and walked straight out i couldn't do it i couldn't stop a beating heart. my ex walked out right behind me and fought with me bringing our daughter into it and how this isnt fair to her and i broke. i got a really bad infection after and ended up in the hospital so it didn't end after the procedure. i've felt so ashamed and broken and lost.i'm trying to go to school full time so i can finish college in timely manner and raise my daughter effectively plus work full time. i'm finding the more i try to push through the more i fall apart it has taken over my life. i find myself eating sleeping pills like they're candy and subcontiously just hoping i get pregnant again. yet at the same time being so wreckless with my own life which eats me alive because my daughters my whole entire world id do anything for her she's my one true weakness but when she's with her father 1 1/2days a week im getting black out drunk and just losing it. this has ruined my life because it goes against all beliefs and i dont know how to get better no one around me understands. the people that know are sitting there going you made the right decision you should be fine. but i'm not and i cant control it. it just doesn't go away it eats and eats and eats at me. i slowly losing my mind because of it. |
| State: Massachusetts | | Country: United States |
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| Name: Katie | Date: 2/27/2011 | I had an abortion 3 months ago...It was by far the biggest regret I have ever had. I'm 19 years old, I am going to school full time and working full time as well...I learned I was pregnant a few weeks before Christmas. I told my parents and they said the only option was an abortion. If I didn't agree to it they would completely dis-own me and have me arrested If I stepped foot on their property. They were disgusted and dissapointed with me. My father threw 600 dollars at me and told me to go to the Abortion Clinic. I had no ones support. I had never felt so alone. I already cared for my child, I felt I had some sort of bond with she/he...I was already picking out names, looking at baby shoes, talking to my belly, and thinking about our future..But those dreams shattered quickly. Reality hit, and I knew what I had to do. I had the procedure done, and the recovery was horrible!! I couldn't move for weeks. I had never been in so much pain in all my life.
There is not a day that goes by I don't think about my child...I'm embarassed and ashamed...And so alone. |
| State: Michigan | | Country: United States |
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| Name: Shelley | Date: 2/25/2011 | Hello, I am writing on behalf of my partner who was raped at the age of 15 and forced, by her surgeon father, to have an illegal termination. By forced I mean she was injected with a powerful sedative so she was physically incapable of resisting being dragged to the hospital to have the procedure. I say 'illegal termination' rather than 'abortion' because the foetus was 7 MONTHS OLD. 1st degree murder would be more accurate. My partner was butchered in the process, and she is now unable to have more children.
She is now 40 years old and has never discussed this in depth with anyone, besides me. After the initial shock of having her nearly full-term foetus ripped from her body and being in an almost complete state of catatonia for a period of 12 months afterwards, she has managed to remain emotionally unattached to the traumatic memories surrounding the 'procedure' for most of her life. However, she has recently had EMDR therapy and some cognitive behavioral therapy for some other traumas she has experienced, which has had the unwanted effect of re-connecting her emotionally with the traumatic memories associated with her illegal termination and none of her treating professionals can tell her how to detach herself again.
If anyone has any suggestions about what she can do we would be extremely grateful. I know talking it through with a psychologist or a support group would seem to be the most obvious course of action, but she is understandably loathe to discuss it with anyone because discussing it means reliving it and it was hell on earth to have to experience it in the first place. All she wants to do is bury it again and detach herself emotionally, and would like to know if there is any kind of therapeutic technique that would enable her to do that. |
| State: South Australia | | Country: Australia |
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| Name: Ellen Thomas | Date: 1/31/2011 | | I had two, recenlty divorced with one small child. I knew it was wrong but I was so scared, parents! the 1st one I felt relief. The 2nd one, afterwards in recovery everyone was just lying there. Me, I went into a major fit and crying, what have I done, what have I done? they sedated me. Years of toment followed. Finally I didn't think about it everyday. I do however think about it every year around the same time I found out, it was during summer. I too wondered, boy or the girl I always wanted? The father was in politics and single like me, but worried it would effect his chances for election. I wanted to marry him or have him move in and it would have been ok. Too fast of a decision. He then lost his Dad and said, God took my Dad because I let you kill our baby. Later in years as I grew in being a Christian, I read something that changed my life. I follow a few famous pastors who were blessed with visions of Heaven. One said, I saw babies, lots and lots of babies. I asked God, why are they so many babies here? God said those are the babies that were aborted by their mothers. So, when you get to Heaven and I pray you will, you will be reunited with your babies and they will hold nothing against you! How awesome is our God, Lord Jesus Christ! Our rock, our savior, our healer! Praise be to God, for there is no sin that can't be forgiven, unless you do it over and over and over. If you know God and revert back to your old ways, God will only allow so much before he has to cut you off. If he didn't, he wouldn't be the good great God that he is. Read that in Kenneth Hagin Sr's book about his visions with Jesus. So behold! there is life and freedom after we've made the worst mistakes of our lives. |
| State: SC | | Country: United States |
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| Name: Shea | Date: 11/30/2010 | Its been 1 year 1 month and 12 days since my abortion, every day i think about who my little baby would be, if it would look like me or have the same little quirks i have now. I found out i was pregnant when i was camping with my family, after not having my period for 2 weeks and intense sickness all day everyday. After getting home and to a store my boyfriend and i took a pregnancy test. We were unsure of what to do, keep it or get rid of it either by abortion or adoption. we ruled out adoption for the simple reason of not being able to carry around a child for almost a year and then give it to someone else and let that be that. I didn't want to get an abortion, but my boyfriend did, abortion appealed to me because i didn't have to tell my parents and face their utter disappointment, so abortion became the choice. My cousin helped me with all the appointment booking and driving me to the doctors office and what not. The day came of my abortion and filling out the paper work i wanted to put a stop to everything but i was brought to the back room where i was to get an ultrasound, on my papers i checked off that i didn't want to see my baby on the ultrasound, but at the last minute i changed my mind and thought that i would regret it for the rest of my life if i didn't see it. It was 8 weeks and 6 days old, my beautiful baby with the cute little button nose. After getting the ultrasound i was moved into another room where the actual procedure would take place, i laid there thinking about what my life would be like if i wouldnt have chosen this path, but it was too late and the nurse came in to give me my needle and then the overly whelming music that was so depressing i felt like giving myself a shot of air into my arm, but too late the doctor came in and everything was gone.
That day repeats over and over again each and everyday. |
| State: Alberta | | Country: Canada |
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| Name: rosie | Date: 11/21/2010 | | It has been 4 years since my first abortion and 2 years from my 2nd. I was strong after the first but after the 2nd a part of me died. This tremendous feeling of guilt came over and has not left. I had to take time off of work just because I could not function. All I kept thinking about was how I killed my baby. Not a day goes by where I dont think about it. Every single week I cry. I want to say sorry to my babies for hurting you and being selfish. I dont think I ever will forgive myself. I also want to say sorry to God for stopping his plan and to please forgive me. Will this pain ever go away? |
| State: MN | | Country: United States |
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| Name: Leslie Dean | Date: 11/4/2009 | Having been a product of the free-love 60’s, I saw nothing wrong with ending a pregnancy in my first marriage. It was the middle of my last semester of nursing school, and with the encouragement of my parents and husband-- I ignored an internal scream --and chose to end it. I became an RN and one evening, as a new graduate, was asked to assist a doctor with three, second-trimester abortions.
I spent most of my time with one of the women, in her sixth month, who shared that she had found out her husband was having an affair and wanted him to pay. She was going to lie to him and say the news of the affair had caused a miscarriage.
This “pay-back” baby was a perfectly formed little boy. At birth, he was roughly checked by the physician to see if his eyes were fixed and then dropped in a bucket and, for what seemed like an eternity, I listened and then saw, that he was moving, and then, finally, silence. It was at this time, that I left the room and went home sick. I slept little that night and in the next few months, my marriage ended.
For several years I found myself experiencing a syndrome of symptoms that has come to be known as post-abortion stress. Destructive relationships, horrific nightmares and an inability to be around babies without an overwhelming sense of guilt. I married again and had another inconvenient pregnancy that ended in abortion. Later, having children caused me to become increasingly depressed and I was diagnosed with “post-traumatic stress syndrome” due to my abortions. I found forgiveness and grace in a relationship with Jesus Christ and through much counseling, I was healed.
If you could see my heart today, you would see the mended cracks of its brokenness. Not because the healing is incomplete, but because Jesus allows us to remember what He did for us, so we can help others put their pieces back together. I did that by starting a pregnancy care center that offered post- abortion counseling and watched as hundreds found healing as I had.
But my final blessing came when Jesus showed me, through a dream, that my babies prayed for my salvation because without it, they would never meet me. They are in Heaven waiting for me and someday I will hold them. He led me to write a book about my journey through the devastation of abortion and what led me to make those choices. It is called Forgiven Much and God is using it to help women break out of their denial and bring the darkness and secrecy of abortion into His healing light.
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| State: MD | | Country: United States |
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| Name: Kristen Kellett | Date: 11/3/2009 | I am 48 years old. I had two abortions in high school. I was a “good Christian girl”- - coming up pregnant would have made God (& me) look bad, so I justified killing my children. I stuffed my feelings and continued through life- college, marriage, kids…
Fast-forward 30 years. I began volunteering at the Crisis Pregnancy Center in town, in the hope of counseling women to choose life for their unborn children. I was required to take a 7-week post-abortion recovery Bible study class. I didn’t think I needed it- after all, I’m a well-adjusted adult…
God moved His healing hand in my heart in places I didn’t even know were damaged by my abortions! He especially worked in the area of my poor self-esteem. Now, I realize that I have great worth to God, and He can use me to make a difference in the world!
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| State: WA | | Country: United States |
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| Name: Catherine (Cathy) Kerr | Date: 11/3/2009 | I was coerced into having an abortion at age 19 by the young man I thought loved me and wanted to marry me. I remember feeling so alone, worthless and unloved that I simply shut down as a human being and did whatever others suggested I should do. This included friends and even my own family doctor. There was very little publicized support or alternatives at that time, and I felt greatly pressured and hopeless. I stopped caring.
The doctor involved told me it was only a "cluster of cells," and made me feel very stupid. They lie to women about the procedure, the pain and the aftermath. It has been many years since the abortion, during which I have been to many retreats and have received God's mercy, forgiveness and love. I will never forget, but I have learned to forgive myself.
I now know that no woman deserves the atrocity of abortion. There are many alternatives and plenty of people who care and want to help you make the right decision, if you will only reach out and not believe what society tells you about abortion. As a result, I have been called to speak out so that others will not have to suffer what I have been through: physically, emotionally and spiritually. I am the Regional Coordinator for Silent No More Awareness in San Antonio, TX. You can find me on their website on the internet and on Facebook. I am here for you with a listening heart.
May you experience God's peace! |
| State: TX | | Country: United States |
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DISCLAIMER: Abortion Recovery InterNational, Inc. and services provided by us: ARIN CARE Directory, ARIN CARE Line, ARIN CARE Centers/Programs are referral and informational websites, not professional counseling sites. We are not all licensed therapists, although many of our affiliates may hold those credentials. We are not responsible for the actions performed by any person as a result of anything written within or related to Abortion Recovery InterNational or any division of our organization. By using our services, you agree to these terms.
Abortion Recovery InterNational, Inc. strongly encourages individuals affected by abortion to have completed an abortion recovery program PRIOR to involving themselves in the counseling of others; legal, research, speaking or activism opportunity.
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